Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Chubby Girl Has Been Bullied, Brow Beaten and Brushed Off

The Chubby Girl Has Been Bullied, Brow Beaten and Brushed Off

Important Note Before Reading: If you are one of those people who don't like hearing the truth and rather be oblivious to what happening to me or others in similar situations , don't read this. Don't think for one minute Im here to start trouble or I'm just exaggerating the truth. Im not, this is what really happened and there are times I wake up in morning and wish it didn't. Otherwise I could leave the belly dance world all together, but why, I love it so much. And really in this world I'm a nobody, I don't go out and perform every weekend and Im not able to attend every event that happens, I'm just trying to become the best dancer I can be that's all. Im not trying to be famous or pretend I know it all. Also, Im not a bad person and hang out with a couple of people who are also dancers, thats all. I try my very best to help in any event I attend and any situation I try to help like music edits, videos, etc.... so I like to believe I don't deserve this. I don't know, maybe its me….maybe I just not meant to have many friends or I just offend people but here it is. Yes I am a grown woman, but a 34 year old can still be bullied, brow beaten and brushed off by other grown women. None of who are named, but they know who they are. 

For the past week, as the time for Austin Belly Dance Convention gets closer and closer, my head is buzzing with everything I must do beforehand. Just some basic things, for instance even though I live in the Austin area I'm going to be staying at the hotel the convention is being held at, it makes my life easier. I live a little less then an hour away but still being there Im able to relax and chill out in my room between classes, I just love it. So Im already deciding what I will be wearing each day, what I need to get done at my house and at work before I leave…then all of sudden something flashes into my head and my stomach begins to hurt. I realize when I arrive Friday night I will be walking into the arena, and the women who have Bullied, Brow Beaten and Brushed Me Off will be there, and just like before they will be taking no prisoners.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the sisterhood of belly dancing, there will always be other women who support all those that share their love of this dance. But unfortunately they are some people who either decide to share that support to some or none at all. So what do those other dancers do rather then show their support, they go out of their way to make the other dancer feel like a piece of shit….I should know. I wrote in an early blog about an incident that happen to me a couple of years ago so I'll quickly go over it. At a dance competition in Austin two ladies decided to go mean girls on me. Before I took the stage, for a least an half hour they stared, whispered and made fun of my weight the entire time.  They blew up their cheeks and gave themselves double chins as a way to show me how my face look, it took me having to mouth "Fuck You" to get them to stop. You would think that it would have stopped there, but it didn't, these women continue to this day to bully me from afar. I was leaving class one night a year ago and several women show up to practice for a big show that was happening in Austin that week. When I walked down the hall one of this girls ( the same ones from competition) was entering the studio, she stop to look at me and gave me an evil smirk and blew up her cheeks, and then giggle as she continued her way into the studio. I stood there like a stung fish, mouth open and speechless. I mean what was I suppose to do????? I can't just walk in their and start yelling at her or ask her what her problem was. I knew and its kills me now to say this but whatever I action I took the cry fest was going to happen anyway, I allowed this girl to wound me deeply. My eyes got wet and quickly I gather up my stuff and left the studio, my eyes were so swollen from crying the next day it hurt to touch them. Later on I was at a dance show downtown with some friends, we were all seating at a table enjoying the show when I realized those same two girls were looking at me. They were waiting off to the side getting ready to dance when they spotted me and I said aloud "Oh Shit" my friend turned around to look at me and asked me what was wrong. I told her those two ladies have a staring problem and they don't like me, she looked up and said "I see them, just watch the show" I realized on the drive home that night these two will always make it a point to show me Im in a world that I just don't belong to. I know for a fact I will see them this weekend and once again I will have to prepare myself and pray they just ignore me this time , just maybe they will take mercy on me and just let me be… more whispering, no more staring and no more making fat faces at me. 

Here comes the brow beater, everyone knows one….she/he the dancer that always makes it a point to let you know how much better they are then you. Now I know to be proud of your talent is not a bad thing at all, if you work hard and you accomplish many moves then you deserve that title of a great dancer, most likely I'm your biggest fan. I have met many dancers that are soooo great and all I can say to them is "I want to dance like you someday" and if I'm lucky they share their secrets. But there is one particular dancer I go out of my way to avoid, she reminds me of that expression in Bridget Jones Diary 2 ..The Jellyfish…that person who engages you in polite conversations but the whole time she finding ways to put you down, she stings you like a jelly fish. I was talking to this girl about a year ago when all sudden she asked me "Who are all this people dancing in the show….I mean I recognize only two of them but I never heard of the others"  I started to explain what I did know about the other dancers when she said "if I'm going to pay money for a show there need to be some legit dancers" then it went downhill from there. From time to time I run into her and over and over again she tries to tell me her dance resume and the famous dancers she knows and once stayed with. I think the final straw for me was at a workshop when I heard her tell another girl "I think its cute that you are trying to belly dancing, keep working it takes years" I immediately walk up to that other girl, the one one brow beater was giving ADVICE too and told her, "I love how you dance, you look great never stop shaking" after that incident I realized that was all it took for her to now ignore me now, I guess brow beater did not appreciate my side comments….. wow if I had known back then thats all it would take for her to shut up,  I would have contradicted her a long time ago. 

Now the brush off….this to me is what hurts the most. What exactly is the brush off, its when somebody only acknowledges you when they feel like it, anybody who has ever experience this knows its awful. I try very very very hard to find the cause of it so Im able to stop it but its hard, I mean its insane how many hours I sit there trying to figure out what the heck happen. I even try to making a list and also discussing it with others, but now I just throw my hands up in the air and just choose to accept for what it is. Now maybe its me….maybe Im not able to distinguish between simple line of just acquaintances and friends. I have a few people who do this to me , now before you think Im just being needy or clingy or want attention here is the thing, these are people that I have gone out of my way to help. Call me crazy….but when different things come up everyone who knows me knows that I'm the first one to volunteer, its just in my nature to help so I would hope that means Im helping friends. I had one person who got mad at me at an event for no reason, after everything I did to help out she ignored me the whole day but at the end when all was said and done she decides it fine and says two words to me. It made the day I work so hard to get ready for just the worst day ever, why does somebody do that to another person, she couldn't come up to me earlier and let me know what was wrong, I mean I did nothing to deserve it, nothing at all. One time ( with another person) , her and I were walking together go over things when all of sudden she veers off and leaves the discussion, just like that, I was standing there thinking "Um I guess conversation is over" ahhhh its frustrating. I talk about this now because I need others to realize it hurts other people feelings when you just call upon them when you need them, if thats the case then don't make the "we are friends" statement, friends don't do that. My friend from college tells me Im a Friend-Mat, others use me like a doormat, I only get acknowledge when its time to wipe off their boots. Now will I ever stop helping, nope….. maybe Im just like setting myself up to get hurt, maybe deep down I like it. I can say this if I didn't care it wouldn't hurt.

So dancers take a look around, somebody in your dance circle is being bullied by another dancer, I guarantee it. I know other dancers who have been attacked by other dancers in person, email, even on Facebook. I mean the stories I have heard would make your stomach twist, but they are not my stories to tell. But hopefully one day they will, because shining the light on these awful people might get them to stop. To the Bullies remember the shit you throw out to other people will come back at you…times ten, be prepared. Will I allow these ladies from stopping me this weekend, No… I have two of my friends who understand my pain and will stick with me. They make me stronger and Im there to learn like it or not bitches. With brow beaters, who knows maybe they have insecurity issues thats why they always feel the need to put people down, and perhaps they don't realize they are doing it…hopefully. Now with the brush off just watch how you treat other people, don't be that person who acknowledges someone when you need them, otherwise don't call them friend at all….it hurts …bad. Im hoping by writing this it will at least help one person who is experiencing the same thing thats happening to me or perhaps help someone realize their actions…if it does I've done my duty. Never let anyone stop you from dancing, no matter what.

They Chubby Girl has a facebook page.....


  1. When someone does something baffling and hurtful, all I say to myself is, "This isn't about me, it's about them. It's their problem and I don't need to get sucked into it." It has helped me a lot.

  2. I'm sorry to hear how those bitches are treating you. There always seems to be 5 in any bellydance area. I'm the red-headed stepchild when it comes to belly dance anyway- I'm Fat and a Gothic fusion dancer. Not only do you get comments about your weight, but people don't understand you. "Why do you act depressed all the time?" I like to answer "Why are you on Valium all the time?"
    I figure those ladies must be jealous of you. Why, they don't need any talent to shake their skinny ass. You need raw talent to move. Us bigger girls have the same muscles as smaller girls; you don't see the movement as much so you have to exaggerate it. Next time ask those girls if they are jealous of your hotness. Their man was looking at your dangerous curves and hoping to have something to hold on. I realize that confident, fat women who are sexy scare the crap out of people...LOL...they just don't know what to do with us. I like to think that I'm so Awesome that I need more space to contain it. :P Okay so I'm not that confident all the time, but body love is a process. People's opinions are worth crap; If this was Africa we'd be sexy because obviously we have food all the time & don't have to work it off! Don't let anyone scare you off of your dreams- their limited minds can't contain you. You want to dance- Do it! There is nothing more sexy than a confident woman.
    Yes those regular costumes are soul crushing- but at least you can keep your money for hair trinkets! I was lucky that was at my Art of the Belly event in Maryland. Some of the clothes were too big- and that feels great! Have a good time Honey and forget those snitty, unhappy women whose lives are so sad that they have to put down & feel superior to another human being. And don't be a Wallflower! Go meet people- that's the fun part! People so forget that Dance is an Art Form; not an Instruction of set rules. Have fun & Shimmy On! Fat Sista in Arms- Shekinah

  3. Those two girls are just irritable because they are hungry. Actually, It's because they feel bad about themselves. They probably sacrifice a lot of their time and energy into looking a certain way and don't know how to handle someone who is beautiful, a great dancer and doesn't feel the need to look like them.

    You spent your time, perfecting your dance and growing your heart. Time can't take that away. Those women spent a majority of their time, trying to look a certain way. Time is already ripping that from them and they know it.

    Keep dancing!